Changes

Because I haven't done a "stepping back" post for a while, and because my dear friend Julia just got home with her new baby, I've been feeling contemplative recently. So, this week I'm going to talk a little about bigger picture life changes.


The change from before kids to after kids is one of epic proportions. Alex and I remember how, before kids, if we wanted to, we could sleep in until noon on weekends, watch movies (on TV or in theater), or go out on dates. We could also get sick, work late, go on conferences or trips, or have "girls" or "guys" nights out without feeling like we were letting the other person down. We were together, but we didn't really, *really*, REALLY need each other. After kids, we had to depend on each other like never before, and the continents in our world shifted. This had major impacts: "Sleeping in" now means 7:30 or 8:00AM (I think Aidan once slept in until 9AM in his lifetime - maybe lightning will strike twice before age 16!).Wakeful kids mean "movie nights" are usually shows of one hour or less (some current favorites include Glee, Eureka, and Big Love), so that the total viewing time actually takes 2 or less hours (if Kiana's teething makes it so that she goes to bed before 10:30pm - after that I can't keep my eyes open, knowing that I'll be up multiple times a night and awake by sometime between 5 and 7am). I can count movie theater experiences since Aidan's birth on one hand (always at Christmas or Thanksgiving while grandparents on one side or the other are there to babysit!). Dates, when we have them, are brunches or early-bird dinner specials, so we can enjoy ourselves without stressing that our kids are crying at home while being babysat. There are no "sick days" for parents. And when Alex (since it's usually Alex, since he is the one with a paying job right now) works late or goes away on trips, he feels bad about forcing me to hold down the fort with two sleepless children without him; and instead of getting some time to myself or to spend with my girlfriends, I move into survival mode to get through the 24hour/day marathon of taking care of small children.


It's intense, and its a huge shift! No one can prepare you for the way it feels to become a parent and go through all of this, even if they could remember it. And I don't know about everyone else, but even between my first child and my second, the high levels of sleep deprivation helped to block our large segments of memory (I don't remember teething with Aidan almost at all!).


Fortunately, as most people will tell you, it IS worth it. Our kids are cute - SO cute - "objectively" so, as my Mom (Nana Ross) has told me before! They have introduced us to a whole new dimension of life, which Alex pursued even before he knew what kind of an adventure it would be (and then convinced me to pursue, too). They've awakened a fierce love in me, that I never before knew I was capable of. And they, more than anything else, help me really live this life: to be present, rather than overly caught up in the future or the past: they smile, and (for us, at least), the whole world really does smile with them!


Changes over time happen at different points. In early infancy, it feels like babies change every two weeks. As Aidan has gotten older, this has stretched out a bit, but he still keeps us on our toes, remembering that "things work until they don't", and then things have to change. It's a constant "learning curve" as Pop-pop (Grandpa Ross) would say.


Daddy remembers 9 months being a turning point with Aidan, an age which seemed the most difficult (crawling + teeth = no sleeping & can't be put down without careful monitoring), but which got better shortly thereafter. Now that Kiana is 9 months, we are facing another set of changes, another turning point. I am ready to get out of infant survival mode and get back into a more normal life. I've lost the baby weight (again!), and am ready to get a wardrobe that fits. Along with this, I also am ready to start working toward my own career. This week, I am taking one step in this direction by going to a conference in Montreal, and taking Kiana with me. It will be an adventure, but I'm looking forward to it! Alex is already off to a strong start in his career as a civil servant with NASA GISS, with lots of global and local promise. I am glad that I know we will be a good team, no matter how that translates.


All of this contemplating started with the missing of a blog post: This morning, instead of blogging, I had Laurie babysit Kiana while I started refitting my wardrobe at The Upper Breastside (love the name!) nursing support store on the Upper Westside. I am totally happy with the result, but the shopping trip delayed the blog. Similarly, having two kids now means that it takes more time for me to write these blog posts: After Aidan was born, I would post them Sundays, or Monday morning at the latest so my Mom could read them Monday morning in Hawaii (6 hours behind New York); but with two kids, I no longer have enough uninterrupted time on Sundays: maybe doing a bit on Saturday as well will mean that there will be fewer Tuesday (or Wednesday) posts. We'll see. Changes to some routines over time change others, and everything has to settle for a while before routine changes are able to accommodate old and new goals. Thanks for sharing in the journey along the way!


Highlights:

AIDAN:
- At school, Miss Nana is calling Aidan "Professor Wiseman" because he is so smart! He can put together a USA puzzle all by himself, is reading long vowels with a silent "e" ("If Mike gets a home run, he and his pals can win the game"), is adding (1 or 2 plus 3,4,5), and is working with money. He is something else!

KIANA:
- Last week, Kiana did a whole signing series! She was staying up late playing with Daddy because of her teeth, when she signed "all done", waved "goodbye" to him, and then turned to me and signed "milk" and rubbed her eyes.
- This week, she showed us that she really remembers things! Daddy let her play with the measuring cups one day, and the next day, she crawled into the kitchen, pulled herself up on the cabinet door, reached for the drawer handle, and got e to pick her up so she could get them out again!
- Kiana loves sharing and "feeding" us. She always wants to put her food or toys in our mouths. It's very sweet!


General:
- This weekend we went up to the Catskills for the first time since Thanksgiving! Grandma and Grandpa Ruane have been in California since before Christmas, and we haven't wanted to trek up there without babysitting, so we haven't gone. But we have missed them! Aidan was beyond thrilled to be back in "his" mountain house, taking care of chores with Grandpa, and reading piles and piles and piles of books with Grandma. Kiana was not so sure about the place (she can't remember it much!), but warmed up eventually, and was willing to be adored. Mommy and Daddy enjoyed Grandma's good food, and even left the kids with Grandma and Grandpa while we wandered around Woodstock by ourselves. It was a great weekend!